First Day...

Hello little one!!
It has been a while. we've moved- had your brother Robbie, moved again - started building a house...There have been some pretty major changes in our lives, and instead of trying to think of everything that has happened and go over it in excruciating detail, I am going to start putting fingers to keyboard and start a new, and hopefully the gaps will fill themselves in.

Today is Monday, August 25th, 2014. One of the most monumental day's in our lives! Today is your first day of kindergarten! we enrolled you into Dellview Elementary, which is the same school I went to. Your dad and i woke up on time, but a little grumpy with each other. we got Robbie (16 months old) ready and you got dressed, put in your 1st day of school bow (Blue Sparkly one) and all went to the school for your very special day. We walked in together as a family and waited with the pack to sign in, get our visitors badge and walk you to the library. Once we got to the Library,we waited on the carpet with a few other shrimps and you seemed hesitant to let leave. Shy. You wanted me near you, holding hands but you weren't awkward, just a little unsure. i'm proud you weren't scared.

Your dad held on to Robbie for most of the time we were in the library, he really really wanted down so he could mess with all the books. :) Once your teacher arrived, Mrs. Duncan, we all walked as an enormous herd to your classroom. I took you to your seat, gave you hugs and kisses, and your brother too - he said goodbye to you and you said goodbye to him. you didn't cry or get emotional, you didn't ask me to leave or get frustrated with all the kisses and hugs (your dad got in there too), I assumed that you understood the importance of the occasion and acted accordingly, but i supposed you realized there was a lot going on, it would be over soon and maybe a little bit of you needed all the hugs.

Just like other times I've had to take you somewhere and leave you (primarily daycare, or with in-laws), as heart-wrenching as it is, you turn around and leave. No fuss, no emotion, keep it together. Don't think about it- mechanically walk to your automobile and drive away. It's a ritual that helps protect you from grabbing your baby, taking her back and just saying screw it - maybe next year... well as i started this ritual of self preservation, I get to the end of the hall and look over my shoulder for your father and he's... no where! I look father down the hallway where I came, eyes traveling back through the steps and he's at your door way. A big looming figure standing in the way... taking one last glimpse of his kid in a classroom. I wait for him to catch up thinking to myself "what a newbie!". It was a reminder that I've had to do this more than him, but it isn't any easier for either of us.

We were still pretty sore with each other about some imagined happening, so we didn't talk to each other as we made our way to the truck. We sat in silence as we got Robbie situated in his care seat, pulled out of the schools parking lot and made our way down the road. We were in other worlds thoughtful, as we made our way back to our street, and only then he grabbed my hand, relenting first, and we both started sobbing. It was so sad!! I wanted to rush back into the school and go get you! my little tiny girl was in a place that was strange and unfamiliar and wasn't near me. i essentially wanted you to come to work with me on your first day of school. Safe and close. I felt completely irrational- until your dad said, through tears, he felt like he was never going to see you again! At least I wasn't alone. I love him. :)

He had to go to work, and I didn't know what to do with myself, until your grandma Christie called me and asked about getting the baby for the day... oh yeah! So I drove down to Taco Cabana, dropped him off, told her all about the experience and came to work.

I left the office about 2PM to go get you- I wanted to see how the after school program worked, and I couldn't wait to get you. We drove downtown to get your brother and you told me all about your first day! you looked exhausted and sounded so so tired- it was a really big day for you and you exerted all the energy you had in your little body, and fell asleep in the car. When we got home, everyone was emotionally drained- no one had anything left! All four of us went to bed early. 

xo

Sept 2, 2011

There are a lucky 6 people in the entire universe that have had the pleasure of snuggling with you at night. They are: your parents and both grandparents. i feel sorry for my mom most, she doesn't like to be bothered... well- at all really, but mostly when she's trying to go to sleep. I've mentioned in several posts, that this is my favorite time with you- but i can certainly understand how frustrating it can be for other people who are not your parents. i'm laughing just thinking about it!

Each night, we take a bath (as mentioned before), read a story, and you go to sleep in your crib after a couple of night time songs. i usually come to bed anywhere between 11:00pm - 1:00am (along with your dad) and we all sleep peacefully in our respective spots, as it should be. then anywhere around 1am-3am you wake up and want to come into bed with me. i usually don't remember getting up and putting you in bed, i'm still asleep, and it's done automatically now. I don't know how to even break you of this habit, it' so ingrained. You've trained me!

it takes you a while to settle, you usually get back to sleep relatively quickly i assume, but you do this "hand thing" where you want to hold hands but you also want to turned your hands over and over in my hands. (it's hard to explain) and then you forcibly place your foot in my hands, and this goes on for a while. until i can hear my mom and my dad tell you to "knock it off", in my mind. i'm so used to it, it puts me right out, but i can imagine the irritating feelings of people who aren't used to it. And then there's the crawling. All over your body crawling, like you're a puppy trying to find a comfortable spot trying out each side of the bed, with an unfortunately person in the middle. THIS, i believe, is what gets my parents. when you've spent the night with either of them, this is what they complain about the most. this image is what makes me laugh the hardest- because i know at this point, you aren't going to settle down anytime soon, and i can put you back in your crib. when you're at one of their houses, they can't do that. so they're stuck with a wriggling, wormy, sometimes snugly,  hand-hand-foot-hand mess of a night.

Last night. LAST NIGHT, we put you to bed, according to routine, and thought we were home free (sometimes you'll wake up) until about 11:00pm. this is when you came strutting out of the bedroom, hair mussed, eyes wide. Your father and i were completely astounded to see you! you told us (after asking the right questions) that you climbed out of your crib, using the side table and bed as a landing spot and that you didn't cry for very long, before you took your escape into your own capable hands and broke free.

it's definitely time to put you in your own bed, in your own room. Jesus.

had a couple of long nights though- you've been coughing, took you to the docs, they said it was just a cough (?). i did find out that you weigh 32 lbs, however. also- they are weighing you on the big-girl scale now, no more baby scales for you! and you don't have to take off all your clothes. boo hoo!!!


love you-
Mama

April 2011

So -
it's been a while since i've put fingers to keyboard, for that i apologize. I actually think about this blog almost everyday, always contemplating what i'll post for you, i just never get around to actually writing anything. that doesn't mean mommy doesn't love you- it's just that i'm a little lazy.

in about two weeks you will be two months shy from your second birthday! i can't believe it!!! you are getting so big, so pretty so quickly. your personality is definitely coming through now. you are pretty stubborn, and can communicate so wonderfully! you can tell us when it's time for you to eat, "i hungee!", and "i thurstee", you can tell us that you want "milk" "awaa" or "soda" (which you say pretty dang clearly, actually) (also- you're not really supposed to drink soda, but dad gives it to you anyway) and you've recently started tell us that you "don't want that!" or "i like that!". it's pretty cute. I've taught you to pray, with your hands together, head bowed with an "AMEN" at the end, and of course your dad taught you how to do the "sign of the cross". :)  I'm protestant, he's catholic, go figure.

each night around 8-ish, we give you a bath (every other night) then dry your hair, and go to moms bed for a story. we're reading Aesop's Fables and Angelina Ballerina, which you call "Rina!". we've taught you how to say i love you ("i luv oo") and when we sing the skina-ma-rink song, you'll sing along with the i love yous. :)

you always fall asleep after three stories

Rina! 

you are so sweet, and so much fun to play with. you are also very determined, and when you want something, you definitely don't have patience for waiting for it, or understanding that it sometimes simply, can't be had. when i call you, you never come the first, second, third or fourth time. Like when i say "no" to something or "stop" you only heed when the threat of spanking or time out are introduced. This is a little unfortunately, and a tad disappointing because i feel like i'm supporting a negative environment. we're getting through, though- and patience will come in time from you. my patience is getting longer, and every week it becomes easier to see things in perspective. 

The other day, we were in the car, driving to pick up your grandpa from work, and the whole way there i was singing Ray Charles' ""i've gotta women". as soon as i started you would yell "Stop That!!" and would make eye contact with me in the rear-view mirror and we would both laugh. Hard. we were having an awesome time playing, and i couldn't help but think of my own mom. we would do something similar, where she would torture us with something (usually zydeco, or NPR) and we would scream for her to "Stop It" or "Change it!". this memory came back to me fondly, and when we picked up grandpa, i told him the game we were playing- he mentioned riding in the car with my mom when we were younger, too. wasn't just me. 

So far this year has been a good one- you had a well baby check on Feb 2nd. you weighed 28.9 lbs, and were 34.8 inches long. that's 2 feet 9inches. :) Erin told me that you are supposed to take the height of children at age two, and double it. This is the height that you'll be when your an adult. if that's true- and you don't grow much between then and your second birthday, you be 5 feet 8 inches tall. i think that sounds about right. Kyrsten turned two (i can't believe it) and your new baby cousin Trenton was born on daddy's birthday!! 

6 lbs 14 oz. 

He is so amazing! he looks a lot like Kyrsten when she was born. you went with Grandpa and i to the hospital to visit Aunt Erin and Uncle Chris. you were...okay. It was a little late, and you were getting cranky.

Born March 11th 2011 @ 3:15pm 

Trenton Christopher Masterson

So Cute. you were sick a couple of day's in February with an ear infection, and again in March (another ear infection). we couldn't really hang out and see the new baby, because we didn't want to get anyone else sick. 

pretty girl

you and daddy, back yard

kisses!

sammy with a puppy that grandma ended up taking home

you and friends at daycare 

right before school

Playing with Grandpa's Vietnam Vet hat

hello!

you are just so pretty when you smile!

this picture makes me happy

front porch with daddy

Daycare

silver processed picture

you and daddy, at home

I stayed home with you on my birthday this year, and we had a lot of fun playing. i took the next friday off, as well- after my trip from las vegas. guess what? this friday is battle of the flowers, so daddy's staying home with you! and NEXT friday, your school is closed, so we're going to have to figure out what to do with you then too! 

Saturday, we're supposed to go downtown with your dad's godparents to watch the night parade. it's fiesta! the following weekend is easter weekend, and there are a lot of things planned! saturday i invited the grandmas to come by and dye/decorate easter eggs, sunday we're supposed to go up to have an easter egg hunt at aunt erin's and uncle chris' church. i can't wait for this one, because we get to see chris, erin, kyrsten and trenton! yippee! 

anway- i love you very much, and will try to post more often, i promise. 

love you! 

Mama

5 months already?!

Samantha:

We saw your 5 month mark come and go! You will be six months already in a few weeks! I can't express into words how much your dad and i absolutely adore you!

Before I forget: In october, mom and i took you to Medina, where we got your picture taken with a bunch of pumpkins, went to the "apple store", and then drove around (for a day trip). Mom wanted me to remember to put down somewhere this image; After we were done taking your pictures all over the place you clutched the little doll I got you fiercely, and wouldn't let it go with your pacifier stuck tightly in your mouth. She thought it was the cutest thing. You definitely signaled that you were done with everything we had put you through (long drive, pictures with every type of pumpkin imaginable, scarecrows, the apple store)! This trip is where i got that little towel that says 'home is where your mom is' (which i thought was HILARIOUS!). Anyway, i didn't want to forget that.

back to how much we love you!

I taught you how to blow raspberries the other day and you've been doing it ever since. I was so excited about it, i posted it on my Facebook status. already you are starting to sit up for longer periods by yourself without falling over! you probably weigh about 20 lbs (or more). you are just growing and growing! i'm still nursing (which is incredible i've been able to stick with it) and i'm proud that i have!

i always think back to when you were first born, because i never want to forget it! so much time has past since we were in the hospital together, that it seems like a lifetime ago. my thoughts always drift back to having you in your little plastic hospital bed, with me in my hospital bed and your dad in the sling-y chair next to us all sleeping together. i didn't want to hold you too much, because all my friends are nurses, and they all told me the one thing they hated was when new moms held their babies so much that they would cry when they weren't with them. We didn't want to "spoil" you! Geez Louise! i wish i had held you more, and never let go of you!

Then after TWO DAYS we brought you home!

The hospital stay was terrible, and we were going crazy being there. when i got home, your dad's mom had cleaned our entire house, gave us a new comforter for our bed, and there were a TON of people around for weeks afterwards. argh. i have mixed feelings about it, but suffice it to say, i was so grateful that we came home to an utterly clean home and we were shown so much love and given so much help, that the other stuff didn't matter. the latter stuff is what is important.

The other thing i need to get over is the feelings i have concerning your birth. the end result is that you are here, i am here, everyone is healthy and all are together and happy. nothing else should matter in light of these things.

last year (2008) the day after thanksgiving, we figured out i was pregnant. then this year (2009) we celebrated our first thanksgiving with our little 5 month old! What an incredible difference a year makes! you have enriched our lives, and filled it with so many giggles, laughs, cries, screams and smiles. I'm so glad you are here.

I'll have to admit the first few months were pretty hard on both your dad and I, (and i'm sure you too!) while we were trying to figure out what to do with you! i think it got easier for me when i went back to work. It gave me a better perspective on things, for some reason. i guess when your shut in with someone your world becomes very small and you start to feel like there is no beginning and no ending. that the hard times will last forever, and there is nothing you can do about it. Once i had to go back to work, it was very bitter sweet for me. Bitter because i had to leave you with other people and i couldn't be with you and sweet because i was able to collect my sanity again, step away and deal before coming home again. i hate having to leave you as it is, and if i could just work from home, i wish i could.

Your Dad. Let me tell you Samantha- if i were having to raise you and take care of you by myself, i don't really think i could. I think that God put your dad in our path just so that he would be the one i marry and be your dad. It seems like i couldn't have picked another better, option (if i had a choice!) than your dad as a husband or father of my kids! he is such a good man, it's unbelievable! i wish you could remember how well he takes care of you, or how hard he works for the both of us! he constantly has us on his mind and it shows in all of his actions. I'm sure you'll figure out how awesome he is when you get older, but suffice it to say we are really blessed to have him in our lives, you and me! (and blessed also with his unimaginable amount of patience!)

Once last thing, i want to share this with you before i forget. (The whole purpose of this blog is to catalog my thoughts, after all.) Sunday morning, we were all lying in bed together (it was too cold to let you sleep by yourself) and i had turned you around after you woke up to face away from me while i held you. You were talking to yourself (gibberish) softly and blowing raspberries Loudly and wetly, and i was tired of wiping my face! you got so loud that it woke up your dad, and he asked if i was the one making all that noise. LOL. What a sweet memory, i hope i never forget it! You are so little and so content sometimes to entertain yourself. I keep finding myself just watching or studying you. i love you SO much and hope that we are together for a very, very long time. here's to another month!

I'll probably write something else in a couple of weeks. I love you!

Your mom,

Sarah

My Little four month old!

Hello Samantha!

My, you are growing into a beautiful child! Last Friday, October 30th was your 4 month anniversary of your birth day. We went to the doctor's office, and he said you were thriving wonderfully, and doing well!

You weighed: 17 pounds,

You were: 26 1/2 inches long,

and your head circumference was: 16.50 inches around.

This placed you in the 95 % for height and weight, and 75 % for Head Circum.!

at 2 months you weighed 13.63 pounds,

you were 24 inches long

and had a head Cir. of 15.75.

yes ma'am you are a-growing!!!

As a matter of fact, i think i'll keep this blog around so that i can write to you from time to time, just to tell you how proud of you i am. :) and to tell you, of course how pretty you are! (and how much i love you, i guess!)

Samantha, you are our first child.

I say that both because i'm marveling at that fact, and because we do plan on you having some siblings in the future. (If it were up to me there would be 2 more, but i think your dad is gonna win that fight, for just one more. :( but that's ok!)

To say that we were in a state of shock when we brought you home was a little bit of an understatement! Your dad and i didn't know what to do with each other much less, with you!! i had a tough time getting you into the world. my blood pressure was high, so they made us come a couple of weeks early to the hospital to deliver you early. That's another story. :/ once we got home, i stayed home with you for several weeks. we were pretty much inseparable! i took a lot of pictures of you, marveled at you, watched you and generally got to know you! you weren't aware of too many things then, but you knew how to scream! sometimes you still scream LOUD when you are hungry. :) I'm not talking about crying loudly, i'm talking about a shrill piercing, horror movie worthy kill-scream. You definitely know what you want when you want it!!

i'm still breastfeeding you, which is a miracle because i didn't know how long i would last. i figured i would have given up already!! I'm proud that I've gone this long, and feel like i'm giving you something good. you haven't had any ear infections yet, and there hasn't been any digestion issues. Hopefully your good health will continue for as long as possible! i simply thank god at how healthy you are! when you think about all the different things that can go utterly wrong when you are conceiving a child, and then all the things that can happen through delivery and infant-hood, it's incredible that you are here and that you are perfect!

At this stage in your life, you can stand when we are holding you, only slightly, and can do those little baby mini-push ups. It's cute when we put you in the cradle on your stomach at night, and you push up with your arms and start looking all over the room. your such a curious little thing! Sometime i catch you just listening. it's pretty neat. I feel like i'm watching you grow!

i have several favorite times of the day right now, mostly they revolve around feeding you. :) Whenever i come home from work i love to grab you and hug you and kiss you all over your chubby little cheeks. i miss you all the time, and can't wait to get home to you. Mornings have to be my favorite of all the other favorite times of the day, though.

It's definitely a different thing being a mom. i'm so knew at this, i don't really feel like a mom yet. I feel like a young woman, pretending to be an adult who happens to also be married with a baby. I'm almost 30 for crying out loud, you would think i would feel like an adult already, but i don't. I don't think your dad does either.

When i look back at the pictures of your birth and everything from then on, i just can't believe how much you have changed! it's incredible! you look like an entirely different baby. you were 10 lbs lighter, and 6 1/2 inches shorter then, too, you know.

I have so much to share with you, but this blog is starting to get a little long, and i should wrap this up.

wait until i tell you all about your Dad (how he is right now, compared to how is is when you actually read this) and your family (oy vey, maybe that's not a good idea!).

Anyway, i love you so much! i can't wait to see you in just a little while!! i'm told your asleep right now with your dad. so sweet! i can't wait until i can get home to you!

Your mom,

Sarah