First Day...

Hello little one!!
It has been a while. we've moved- had your brother Robbie, moved again - started building a house...There have been some pretty major changes in our lives, and instead of trying to think of everything that has happened and go over it in excruciating detail, I am going to start putting fingers to keyboard and start a new, and hopefully the gaps will fill themselves in.

Today is Monday, August 25th, 2014. One of the most monumental day's in our lives! Today is your first day of kindergarten! we enrolled you into Dellview Elementary, which is the same school I went to. Your dad and i woke up on time, but a little grumpy with each other. we got Robbie (16 months old) ready and you got dressed, put in your 1st day of school bow (Blue Sparkly one) and all went to the school for your very special day. We walked in together as a family and waited with the pack to sign in, get our visitors badge and walk you to the library. Once we got to the Library,we waited on the carpet with a few other shrimps and you seemed hesitant to let leave. Shy. You wanted me near you, holding hands but you weren't awkward, just a little unsure. i'm proud you weren't scared.

Your dad held on to Robbie for most of the time we were in the library, he really really wanted down so he could mess with all the books. :) Once your teacher arrived, Mrs. Duncan, we all walked as an enormous herd to your classroom. I took you to your seat, gave you hugs and kisses, and your brother too - he said goodbye to you and you said goodbye to him. you didn't cry or get emotional, you didn't ask me to leave or get frustrated with all the kisses and hugs (your dad got in there too), I assumed that you understood the importance of the occasion and acted accordingly, but i supposed you realized there was a lot going on, it would be over soon and maybe a little bit of you needed all the hugs.

Just like other times I've had to take you somewhere and leave you (primarily daycare, or with in-laws), as heart-wrenching as it is, you turn around and leave. No fuss, no emotion, keep it together. Don't think about it- mechanically walk to your automobile and drive away. It's a ritual that helps protect you from grabbing your baby, taking her back and just saying screw it - maybe next year... well as i started this ritual of self preservation, I get to the end of the hall and look over my shoulder for your father and he's... no where! I look father down the hallway where I came, eyes traveling back through the steps and he's at your door way. A big looming figure standing in the way... taking one last glimpse of his kid in a classroom. I wait for him to catch up thinking to myself "what a newbie!". It was a reminder that I've had to do this more than him, but it isn't any easier for either of us.

We were still pretty sore with each other about some imagined happening, so we didn't talk to each other as we made our way to the truck. We sat in silence as we got Robbie situated in his care seat, pulled out of the schools parking lot and made our way down the road. We were in other worlds thoughtful, as we made our way back to our street, and only then he grabbed my hand, relenting first, and we both started sobbing. It was so sad!! I wanted to rush back into the school and go get you! my little tiny girl was in a place that was strange and unfamiliar and wasn't near me. i essentially wanted you to come to work with me on your first day of school. Safe and close. I felt completely irrational- until your dad said, through tears, he felt like he was never going to see you again! At least I wasn't alone. I love him. :)

He had to go to work, and I didn't know what to do with myself, until your grandma Christie called me and asked about getting the baby for the day... oh yeah! So I drove down to Taco Cabana, dropped him off, told her all about the experience and came to work.

I left the office about 2PM to go get you- I wanted to see how the after school program worked, and I couldn't wait to get you. We drove downtown to get your brother and you told me all about your first day! you looked exhausted and sounded so so tired- it was a really big day for you and you exerted all the energy you had in your little body, and fell asleep in the car. When we got home, everyone was emotionally drained- no one had anything left! All four of us went to bed early. 

xo

April 2011

So -
it's been a while since i've put fingers to keyboard, for that i apologize. I actually think about this blog almost everyday, always contemplating what i'll post for you, i just never get around to actually writing anything. that doesn't mean mommy doesn't love you- it's just that i'm a little lazy.

in about two weeks you will be two months shy from your second birthday! i can't believe it!!! you are getting so big, so pretty so quickly. your personality is definitely coming through now. you are pretty stubborn, and can communicate so wonderfully! you can tell us when it's time for you to eat, "i hungee!", and "i thurstee", you can tell us that you want "milk" "awaa" or "soda" (which you say pretty dang clearly, actually) (also- you're not really supposed to drink soda, but dad gives it to you anyway) and you've recently started tell us that you "don't want that!" or "i like that!". it's pretty cute. I've taught you to pray, with your hands together, head bowed with an "AMEN" at the end, and of course your dad taught you how to do the "sign of the cross". :)  I'm protestant, he's catholic, go figure.

each night around 8-ish, we give you a bath (every other night) then dry your hair, and go to moms bed for a story. we're reading Aesop's Fables and Angelina Ballerina, which you call "Rina!". we've taught you how to say i love you ("i luv oo") and when we sing the skina-ma-rink song, you'll sing along with the i love yous. :)

you always fall asleep after three stories

Rina! 

you are so sweet, and so much fun to play with. you are also very determined, and when you want something, you definitely don't have patience for waiting for it, or understanding that it sometimes simply, can't be had. when i call you, you never come the first, second, third or fourth time. Like when i say "no" to something or "stop" you only heed when the threat of spanking or time out are introduced. This is a little unfortunately, and a tad disappointing because i feel like i'm supporting a negative environment. we're getting through, though- and patience will come in time from you. my patience is getting longer, and every week it becomes easier to see things in perspective. 

The other day, we were in the car, driving to pick up your grandpa from work, and the whole way there i was singing Ray Charles' ""i've gotta women". as soon as i started you would yell "Stop That!!" and would make eye contact with me in the rear-view mirror and we would both laugh. Hard. we were having an awesome time playing, and i couldn't help but think of my own mom. we would do something similar, where she would torture us with something (usually zydeco, or NPR) and we would scream for her to "Stop It" or "Change it!". this memory came back to me fondly, and when we picked up grandpa, i told him the game we were playing- he mentioned riding in the car with my mom when we were younger, too. wasn't just me. 

So far this year has been a good one- you had a well baby check on Feb 2nd. you weighed 28.9 lbs, and were 34.8 inches long. that's 2 feet 9inches. :) Erin told me that you are supposed to take the height of children at age two, and double it. This is the height that you'll be when your an adult. if that's true- and you don't grow much between then and your second birthday, you be 5 feet 8 inches tall. i think that sounds about right. Kyrsten turned two (i can't believe it) and your new baby cousin Trenton was born on daddy's birthday!! 

6 lbs 14 oz. 

He is so amazing! he looks a lot like Kyrsten when she was born. you went with Grandpa and i to the hospital to visit Aunt Erin and Uncle Chris. you were...okay. It was a little late, and you were getting cranky.

Born March 11th 2011 @ 3:15pm 

Trenton Christopher Masterson

So Cute. you were sick a couple of day's in February with an ear infection, and again in March (another ear infection). we couldn't really hang out and see the new baby, because we didn't want to get anyone else sick. 

pretty girl

you and daddy, back yard

kisses!

sammy with a puppy that grandma ended up taking home

you and friends at daycare 

right before school

Playing with Grandpa's Vietnam Vet hat

hello!

you are just so pretty when you smile!

this picture makes me happy

front porch with daddy

Daycare

silver processed picture

you and daddy, at home

I stayed home with you on my birthday this year, and we had a lot of fun playing. i took the next friday off, as well- after my trip from las vegas. guess what? this friday is battle of the flowers, so daddy's staying home with you! and NEXT friday, your school is closed, so we're going to have to figure out what to do with you then too! 

Saturday, we're supposed to go downtown with your dad's godparents to watch the night parade. it's fiesta! the following weekend is easter weekend, and there are a lot of things planned! saturday i invited the grandmas to come by and dye/decorate easter eggs, sunday we're supposed to go up to have an easter egg hunt at aunt erin's and uncle chris' church. i can't wait for this one, because we get to see chris, erin, kyrsten and trenton! yippee! 

anway- i love you very much, and will try to post more often, i promise. 

love you! 

Mama

February 2010

Dear Samantha:
Hello my pretty! Today is February 8th, 2010. You are about 7 1/2 months old. It just started pouring outside, and it's been raining on and off for a week now. Saturday was beautiful, however and we spent the day cleaning up the house. i strapped you to my back like a papoose, and you loved it! Every now and then you would put your little head down on my back, and it felt like you were saying "i love you" even though it probably just meant that you were tired. i would run around, sweep the house then run to the bedroom so we could see each other in the mirror, laugh, smile, then run around and mop the floors. This went on for HOURS! Of course we took a couple of breaks for your naps (2) and lunch/snack. To date you are eating cereal, green beans, carrots, peas, sweet potatoes, squash and little puff banana/apple thingies. So far, I've eaten everything you have (with the exception of breast milk, because that's kind of groady) and you are growing like a weed! Monday and Tuesdays your grandma and grandpa Salazar takes you in the morning, and i meet them after work at the Taco Cabana on the Theo/Malone exit off of 35 to pick you up. Kid Swap! Wednesday thru Friday i take you to the Lincoln Heights Methodist church day care, and you love it. You always smile and laugh when you see the people there, and you love to watch the other babies crawl around.    
     The rodeo is in town! i wanted to take you there to your first Rodeo, but your grandparent think they are your parents and will probably take you instead. That's another story, of course. i love them very much, and they certainly do help us out in a lot of different ways, but there really is a high price tag sometimes, that has to be paid. When you were really little, after i had to go back to work, we had your dad's cousin Ellie take care of you. It was nice to have you so close, i was still breastfeeding you pretty regularly, and i would come home on my lunch break to feed you. It was one of the best parts of my day! there were some problems with that arrangement, unfortunately it's hard to have someone in your home, as i'm sure it's hard to be in someone else house taking care of their little girl. Often we would come home and find other people/family members in the house or had just been there, or our bed was slept in, or our shower was being used. It was kind of a relief when we put you in day care, as it was a far less complicated relationship. At your last appointment you weigh 20 lbs!! we had to take you to the doctor one morning a few weeks ago for an urgent check up. You had a major fever (at 104.5) and your cheeks were so red it was heartbreaking. You vomited on me and we gave you Tylenol until we could get you to the doctor's office. Turns out you had a pretty bad ear infection. The doctor took a look in your ear, and said it was as red as a fire truck! he prescribed antibiotics that we were to shoot into the back of your throat with a needless syringe, twice a day for 10 days. Poor thing. You did really well, however. You only cried a little bit, and it was clear you didn't feel good, but you didn't really have a "melt down" or anything like what you hear from other parents. You sure are a tough little girl! They told us that at the appointment, and whenever you have to get your shots, you never cry TOO much. You are so strong and healthy that it's incredible! We are so blessed!
     As of today, you can definitely sit up by yourself, and scoot around on your butt to get to things. you don't really crawl yet, but you can lift up on all fours, and wiggle back and forth.  One of my co-workers gave us a whole bunch of Disney Cartoons (VHS) and i used to be able to sit you on the bed, bolstered with pillows all around, with all of your toys laid out before you, and pop in one of those "princess movies' while i took a shower and got dressed in the morning.  This would keep you occupied until i got out, and then i would dress you. The other morning, i got out of the shower and went to the bedroom and looked at the spot wher you had been. I saw all of your toys, but no baby!! i looked down next to the bed ON THE FLOOR, and THERE YOU WERE! Playing with my suitcase, just as happy as can be. i couldn't believe it. time slowed down while my eyes scanned the bed, then found you. I instantly picked you up and hugged you. I felt terrible and wondered if you had cried when i was in the shower. But i was also bemused, because you looked so happy down there!  :( Oy Vey! looks like i can't do that anymore! Now we have your "fun chair" to stick you in if you wake up in the morning before i get in the shower. you are still sleeping with us in bed at night, even though you take your naps in your crib. I desperately want to get you in your own room at night, but your father is having a hard time with it, and sleeps better when your in my arms at night. You're just so little!  my fear is that you will be 3 years old and still sleeping with mommy and daddy.
     Samantha, i have to tell you how much i love you and how much my day lights up when you smile. I really thought that those stories people tell about how they sappily felt when their kids smiled at them was crap, but it really brighten the whole day. I can't wait to get you to smile, or laugh and it has turned into an addiction! You are such a good, happy baby! you rarely have fits, or cry too much, or have the dreaded melt downs. i can pretty much take you anywhere and if you are fed, clean and dry you are perfectly content to sit and watch people, or play happily with whatever is on the table in front of you. I am so proud to have you with me.  I love you so much!
     Right now you are with your grandparents, and your dad is sick at home. He works so hard for the both of us, he deserves a break every now and then. where would we be if we didn't have him! lonely and sad, that's where! He loves you so much that words can't describe it. He talks to you, and sings, and plays with you. He changes your diaper without complaint, and usually is the one that makes you a bottle. I simply cannot believe that you are almost eight months old! Your cousin Kyrsten is having her 1st birthday party in just a couple of weeks, and you are right behind her! where has the time gone?
      It's almost 5 o'clock which means, it's almost time to go pick you up at the Taco Cabana and i'm having a hard time waiting! i always miss you most on Mondays, since i spend so much time with you on the weekends. Monday's are always hard.
     I love you so much, and you are so beautiful, that i cannot wait to kiss your cheeks and have you home. See you soon, my little chickadee!

Love,
Mom.

Cold January-6 months, week two.

Samantha:
Man it is really cold outside! it's 36 degrees and WINDY. i had to bundle you up this morning, and it only got colder!

There have been some changes in our lives! We had our first thanksgiving with you, as well as our first Christmas and New Years. Your dad got you your bouncy play chair as your big present this year, and you got a lot of wonderful, beautiful things from people. Grandpa Masterson got you some clothes and books, Grandma Masterson got you your own little baby head! this was subject to much discussion! she made them herself, and it was a very nice gesture, just...weird! :) we all had a good laugh over them. She made one for Kyrsten, too. Grandma & Grandpa Salazar gave you a little wooden bike from the pottery barn. It's so pretty! along with a tea set, and a pink and silver cup. (i know, it's weird, there's is only one and i don't know what you do with just that one). Uncle Chris and Aunt Erin got you your little duck/platypus pillow.

This year for Christmas, i think we're going to travel around on Christmas Eve, and then stay home, just the three of us, on Christmas day. you'll already be a year and half old then!

Yesterday we enrolled you in your first day of day care. We put you in the Los Angeles Heights Methodist day care, around the corner from the house on Lee Hall. The first day was pretty sad. I left and cried all the way to work, your dad thought about you all day and cried after he got you home. it's sad to leave your kids with strangers. you just looked so little sitting there on the carpet playing with toys. :( i just imagined you red faced and crying for me, and it breaks my heart that i can't be with you during the day. we have to be really tough! it's definitely not an easy choice, and it involves a lot of sacrifice, but it is what's best for right now.

you are growing so much! at your last doctor's appointment with Dr. Benbow,  you weighed 19 1/2 lbs, and were about 27 inches tall! he said you looked better than great, and you're doing very well.

we started you on cereal and foods!!! i was so excited to give you your first taste of vegetables i could hardly contain my self! i started with Carrots, and then moved to peas. you pretty much love them both. I think you like the idea of eating. It's fun! i'm still breast feeding, and we're still giving you formula. no wonder your growing like a weed! you're my little fat baby and i love you so much! i can see changes in you, however. Your getting longer and leaner, and your able to sit up and play with your toys! your developing awesomely, and i'm so proud of you. You are also talking/babbling and screaming more. it's so cute! Last night i just laid in bed, and just watched you play until i fell asleep. Then you shouted at me to wake up! :)  we're still sleeping together because it's been so cold outside, and we don't have central air and heat. All three of us in bed.

i'm starting to mourn the end of your infancy already, and it makes me sad. but it means that your growing and learning, and becoming a more active participant in life, and that exciting trade off is worth it.  my favorite time is still in the morning when it's just the two of us snuggled in bed together. sometimes i'll wake up after you, and i'll look down to see if your awake and your already looking at me! it makes me laugh!
:)

You're such a beautiful girl. we'll get through this beginning states of day care, and it'll be a second home for you, and you will learn and flourish and grow even more there. i have a good feeling about it.

now if we can get your dad more on board, we'll be in business!

Till next time!
I love you!

Your mom.