It has been a while. we've moved- had your brother Robbie, moved again - started building a house...There have been some pretty major changes in our lives, and instead of trying to think of everything that has happened and go over it in excruciating detail, I am going to start putting fingers to keyboard and start a new, and hopefully the gaps will fill themselves in.
Today is Monday, August 25th, 2014. One of the most monumental day's in our lives! Today is your first day of kindergarten! we enrolled you into Dellview Elementary, which is the same school I went to. Your dad and i woke up on time, but a little grumpy with each other. we got Robbie (16 months old) ready and you got dressed, put in your 1st day of school bow (Blue Sparkly one) and all went to the school for your very special day. We walked in together as a family and waited with the pack to sign in, get our visitors badge and walk you to the library. Once we got to the Library,we waited on the carpet with a few other shrimps and you seemed hesitant to let leave. Shy. You wanted me near you, holding hands but you weren't awkward, just a little unsure. i'm proud you weren't scared.
Your dad held on to Robbie for most of the time we were in the library, he really really wanted down so he could mess with all the books. :) Once your teacher arrived, Mrs. Duncan, we all walked as an enormous herd to your classroom. I took you to your seat, gave you hugs and kisses, and your brother too - he said goodbye to you and you said goodbye to him. you didn't cry or get emotional, you didn't ask me to leave or get frustrated with all the kisses and hugs (your dad got in there too), I assumed that you understood the importance of the occasion and acted accordingly, but i supposed you realized there was a lot going on, it would be over soon and maybe a little bit of you needed all the hugs.
Just like other times I've had to take you somewhere and leave you (primarily daycare, or with in-laws), as heart-wrenching as it is, you turn around and leave. No fuss, no emotion, keep it together. Don't think about it- mechanically walk to your automobile and drive away. It's a ritual that helps protect you from grabbing your baby, taking her back and just saying screw it - maybe next year... well as i started this ritual of self preservation, I get to the end of the hall and look over my shoulder for your father and he's... no where! I look father down the hallway where I came, eyes traveling back through the steps and he's at your door way. A big looming figure standing in the way... taking one last glimpse of his kid in a classroom. I wait for him to catch up thinking to myself "what a newbie!". It was a reminder that I've had to do this more than him, but it isn't any easier for either of us.
We were still pretty sore with each other about some imagined happening, so we didn't talk to each other as we made our way to the truck. We sat in silence as we got Robbie situated in his care seat, pulled out of the schools parking lot and made our way down the road. We were in other worlds thoughtful, as we made our way back to our street, and only then he grabbed my hand, relenting first, and we both started sobbing. It was so sad!! I wanted to rush back into the school and go get you! my little tiny girl was in a place that was strange and unfamiliar and wasn't near me. i essentially wanted you to come to work with me on your first day of school. Safe and close. I felt completely irrational- until your dad said, through tears, he felt like he was never going to see you again! At least I wasn't alone. I love him. :) 
He had to go to work, and I didn't know what to do with myself, until your grandma Christie called me and asked about getting the baby for the day... oh yeah! So I drove down to Taco Cabana, dropped him off, told her all about the experience and came to work.
I left the office about 2PM to go get you- I wanted to see how the after school program worked, and I couldn't wait to get you. We drove downtown to get your brother and you told me all about your first day! you looked exhausted and sounded so so tired- it was a really big day for you and you exerted all the energy you had in your little body, and fell asleep in the car. When we got home, everyone was emotionally drained- no one had anything left! All four of us went to bed early.
xo
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