We saw your 5 month mark come and go! You will be six months already in a few weeks! I can't express into words how much your dad and i absolutely adore you!
Before I forget: In october, mom and i took you to Medina, where we got your picture taken with a bunch of pumpkins, went to the "apple store", and then drove around (for a day trip). Mom wanted me to remember to put down somewhere this image; After we were done taking your pictures all over the place you clutched the little doll I got you fiercely, and wouldn't let it go with your pacifier stuck tightly in your mouth. She thought it was the cutest thing. You definitely signaled that you were done with everything we had put you through (long drive, pictures with every type of pumpkin imaginable, scarecrows, the apple store)! This trip is where i got that little towel that says 'home is where your mom is' (which i thought was HILARIOUS!). Anyway, i didn't want to forget that.
back to how much we love you!
I taught you how to blow raspberries the other day and you've been doing it ever since. I was so excited about it, i posted it on my Facebook status. already you are starting to sit up for longer periods by yourself without falling over! you probably weigh about 20 lbs (or more). you are just growing and growing! i'm still nursing (which is incredible i've been able to stick with it) and i'm proud that i have!
i always think back to when you were first born, because i never want to forget it! so much time has past since we were in the hospital together, that it seems like a lifetime ago. my thoughts always drift back to having you in your little plastic hospital bed, with me in my hospital bed and your dad in the sling-y chair next to us all sleeping together. i didn't want to hold you too much, because all my friends are nurses, and they all told me the one thing they hated was when new moms held their babies so much that they would cry when they weren't with them. We didn't want to "spoil" you! Geez Louise! i wish i had held you more, and never let go of you!
Then after TWO DAYS we brought you home!
The hospital stay was terrible, and we were going crazy being there. when i got home, your dad's mom had cleaned our entire house, gave us a new comforter for our bed, and there were a TON of people around for weeks afterwards. argh. i have mixed feelings about it, but suffice it to say, i was so grateful that we came home to an utterly clean home and we were shown so much love and given so much help, that the other stuff didn't matter. the latter stuff is what is important.
The other thing i need to get over is the feelings i have concerning your birth. the end result is that you are here, i am here, everyone is healthy and all are together and happy. nothing else should matter in light of these things.
last year (2008) the day after thanksgiving, we figured out i was pregnant. then this year (2009) we celebrated our first thanksgiving with our little 5 month old! What an incredible difference a year makes! you have enriched our lives, and filled it with so many giggles, laughs, cries, screams and smiles. I'm so glad you are here.
I'll have to admit the first few months were pretty hard on both your dad and I, (and i'm sure you too!) while we were trying to figure out what to do with you! i think it got easier for me when i went back to work. It gave me a better perspective on things, for some reason. i guess when your shut in with someone your world becomes very small and you start to feel like there is no beginning and no ending. that the hard times will last forever, and there is nothing you can do about it. Once i had to go back to work, it was very bitter sweet for me. Bitter because i had to leave you with other people and i couldn't be with you and sweet because i was able to collect my sanity again, step away and deal before coming home again. i hate having to leave you as it is, and if i could just work from home, i wish i could.
Your Dad. Let me tell you Samantha- if i were having to raise you and take care of you by myself, i don't really think i could. I think that God put your dad in our path just so that he would be the one i marry and be your dad. It seems like i couldn't have picked another better, option (if i had a choice!) than your dad as a husband or father of my kids! he is such a good man, it's unbelievable! i wish you could remember how well he takes care of you, or how hard he works for the both of us! he constantly has us on his mind and it shows in all of his actions. I'm sure you'll figure out how awesome he is when you get older, but suffice it to say we are really blessed to have him in our lives, you and me! (and blessed also with his unimaginable amount of patience!)
Once last thing, i want to share this with you before i forget. (The whole purpose of this blog is to catalog my thoughts, after all.) Sunday morning, we were all lying in bed together (it was too cold to let you sleep by yourself) and i had turned you around after you woke up to face away from me while i held you. You were talking to yourself (gibberish) softly and blowing raspberries Loudly and wetly, and i was tired of wiping my face! you got so loud that it woke up your dad, and he asked if i was the one making all that noise. LOL. What a sweet memory, i hope i never forget it! You are so little and so content sometimes to entertain yourself. I keep finding myself just watching or studying you. i love you SO much and hope that we are together for a very, very long time. here's to another month!
I'll probably write something else in a couple of weeks. I love you!
Your mom,
Sarah
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